Scared

Scared, released 2004 remains an unprecedented rollercoaster of emotion told through poetry, perceived as a story of self-realization and heralded, still, as one of her best works of poetry to-date.

2004 remained a ground breaking year for Dew as she stepped into the spoken word arena winning her first poetry slam. Sponsored by the Women 4 Unity Organization, Dew took home the first place prize in the slam competition. Venturing out, Dew continued to breathe air into her words captivating poetic minds across the country.

Back Cover:

This body of work, entitled Scared, attempts to encompass all emotion. There is no political correctness, color, or status quo, just life. Scared reminds us of the questions we blur and the answers we suppress. It allows us to identify our solitude: the taste we hate to crave and crave, simply to hate. Often, we lose sight of how powerful words can be until we attach the sentiment behind them and feel the repercussions.

Relationships, love, lust, the pursuit of self-defined happiness, everything we strive to achieve has or will at some point manifest into the fears that ultimately fuel us to overcome and defeat those obstacles and/or times of contention, or cripple us and keep us from the most ordinary of tasks.

Scared, far more a question than a statement, holds these variances at hand and asks the reader to apply their own recollection and take this journey. Attempt to step inward and settle your thought process and allow emotion to consume you.

Excerpt:

Table of Contents

I was afraid
To become interested
It was lust at first sight
I wanted us to become familiar strangers
Distant cousins under the same sun

I needed to know what your hug felt like
Early in the morning
After making me breakfast
I had to know that feeling

Your presence was strong
And your hold was stronger
You grabbed my self-confidence
Just in the way you walked

Label me self-conscious
But I’m jonesing to make you my future
To get over my past

I have to get you beyond this point
Of small smiles and cute hellos
I need you to discover me
Unwrap the secrets
Lying in wait
For you

But now I remember
I remember who I am
And what I have become
I never figured I would be settling
A normal pattern
For a past with contemptible hate for acceptance
A past that corrupts the very future
We will never share

It would be easy to blame dear dad
His absence
His alcohol abuse
His love or lack there of
But with him dearly departed
I have to accept the truth
That the tidbit of life I hold
Is not enough to fight for

My depression has me convinced
That your future
Deserves a better heart than mine
Maybe if I had seen you
2 years into my new self
After reviving from
Friends who had to offer their hand
To make sure I saw another dawn
Even though I still crave a final sunset now & then

Mama’s luck haunts me
Daddy’s fate cursed me
So how fair would the cosmos seem
If I propositioned you
With the task of filling my empty room
Testing your caress
Checking to see if it is light as a feather
Because I may need you
To carve out the lump in my throat

The more I watch you
I resent your ignorance
To how much I need you

My thoughts scattered
Into tears that show
Like excitement on a carefree face
One minute before snow

You don’t know it but more than for conversations sake
Have I rehearsed in my mind
Ten thousands ways of letting you go
Far before you and I have become we

Crying you away

Melting you in the pot of friends gone wrong
Love gone bitter
Life gone astray
Trust sold separately

Blacking out your image
Like one white lie
Still and determined
Focused on what’s next
The hostility and rage
That is
Raping me and my will blind

I am here

Standing in the middle of expectations
You will never meet
Breaking the glass table
That exploits my garbled self-image
Questioning why nature hates me
Trying to accept the answer
Pausing everything around me
To examine life through my wretched scope
Feeding on realization during my small commercial break
Wishing I could cope

I miss you
The white house
2.5 kids
The picket fence
And the co-existence
We will never know

Slipping into my subconscious
Just to feel you touch me
My erotic cravings
Embodied in the good morning love
That is nestled in a kiss
The air sweeping around me
Is just your excuse to feel me
Replacing your face where my pillow once lay
At least now every night will be a goodnight
Sad such an illusion
Had to be molested by reality

I’m tired of this struggle
Lying to make it look good
Calling it life
The threat of hell
Hanging over my head
After the fight

Altercations with my flesh
And my ego
And my pride

I can’t understand the curious tricks
We as people play
To reassure ourselves
We’re still breathing

3rd degree burns by those I trusted
Where faith once stood
Fear caressing the sacrifices
Around my heart

Memories of love gone cold
Reminding me of the life before you
The life I said
I would try never to see again
And try is not a word
The modern love martyr
That is I
The black-hearted, scarred, scorned, reject
That swells at commitment
Takes heed to fooling around
And recognizes life does not exist beyond desire

 I arrive back here
Where I first saw you
Back to my senses
Back to this temporary status we worship
Back to a reality that would not curse you with me
Back to being scared to love
Or be loved
By anything other than fear

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