Usually I wouldn’t post about 2015 until 2015. But, I am so amped about the potential that the next year holds for me. I asked myself what it would take to be the best version of myself. I made a list of the changes I needed to make or just things I needed to add to my daily regiment. One of those things was fearless execution. The last seven years have been about growth for me. The last seven years have meant finding myself and discovering my strengths and making choices, hard choices, about my life. Make no mistake, I’m still learning. But, I have a clearer view of what I am looking for and toward. It was a hard painful road. I guess that’s what being hardheaded will get you. However, I appreciate everyone and everything that pushed me to this point.

I never understood how so many people could see things in me that I couldn’t see in myself.Today, though, I do see it. I see how some roads I took, though rocky, led me to a better understanding of myself and a more precise tuning into my intuition. I’d be lying if I said that shit isn’t scary as hell. But the support I have is amazing. It’s a God send. The people, the opportunities, the drive, it all works to push me closer to what I should be doing.

I’m not activist. I’m no revolutionary. I wondered how could what I do really help the world. Then I realized I do touch people’s lives, not necessarily through design or writing but by being who I am. If I were to capitalize on my talents, on my creativity and my passions, that creates a platform which allows me access to touch more people. I’m not saying I have this all figured out. But if there’s a chubby brown girl out there who sees me at some point and thinks, it’s ok to be awkward, authentic, nerdy, creative, sincere, honest, funny, if I can move one person to be unapologetically genuine about who they are and what they want from life, I’ve succeeded. I think being that for myself is the first step.

I’ve put 6 years into my product line. And far too much of that time was spent talking myself OUT of creating it. But, the passion to offer these products to the world stays on me. It moves me, it fuels me. I’m thinking about it everyday all day. I go to sleep thinking about designs, paper samples, fabric samples, cover types, spacing and function. Nothing futile stays on you like that. If I only sell 6, completing it is the goal.

By no means is this to say I have it all figured out because I don’t. But, I’m the same third grader who saw a jar of cry babies and borrowed a dollar from my mom to buy 20, take them to school and sell them for .20. I’m the same kid who bought candy at concession wholesale prices to sell during the summer. I’m the same person who sold mixed cds before mp3s was a household term.

I published my first book for a client in 2005. It was a horrible looking thing that I glued all wrong and had the worst time figuring out how to get trimmed. I’ve come a long way since then. At one point I even stopped taking clients because I was so afraid of not producing. I had a client to stop speaking to me, I still have no clue why. I made mistakes. I had to realize that mistakes will happen. Own them and find solutions. Don’t hide from them. Don’t be so afraid of a potential mistake that you stand still.

This means a lot in my life overall. Everything I need to do to become the best version of myself requires, no demands, fearless execution. Plan. Measure. Edit. Act.

I’m nervous but excited. I’m excited about new relationships, new friendships, new business, new opportunities. I’m about to jump clean off this very safe bridge. See you at the top.



Last Day

I don’t write poetry anymore

I moved beyond metaphors

When pain pulls the truth

Euphemisms lack relevance

I just wanted to get back to the day

The day before I thought

What we could have been

The day before I saw a spark

The day before we met

If I could just fast forward

Maybe I’d still write

Bad poems

About being in love

And all it entails

But right now

I’m far too literal

To be figurative

About Us verses

You and I

just are

I love you nonetheless

That just is