Losing Weight

Sentiment sitting on laden tongues

Like a stretched marked stomach

Skin stretched

over time

silence

confusion

A history of unspoken

undigested

overdone

and underprocessed

emotion

I say run

run off each ache

run off

each misunderstanding

Run off

every false start

every restart

Love each mark

away

Love every sentiment

as a happy memory

of what bravery looks like

of what commitment looks like

of the war that is sticking with

the one who touches you

with every unspoken word

and the best of intent

Love you

and them

like the satiating calm

of warm pie

then run off the stain

of what never quite became

and embrace

everything that is you right now

Go

Get Set

On

Your

Mark…

“Writing is really a way of thinking—not just feeling but thinking about things that are disparate, unresolved, mysterious, problematic or just sweet.” —Toni Morrison

7/7/14

I believe that everything happens for a reason. So when something happens that makes no sense… I’m confused. I write about what I feel, what I see, what I hear from others, what I observe. I write about everything. However, not everything I write is specific to my life or experiences unless otherwise noted.

I’m all over the place today.

I hate feeling censored.

I like to believe that you can talk to anyone. You can reason with anyone. You can appeal to anyone. But, it seems that is just not the case.

I am feeling lately like the best course of action is to just keep everything to myself. I see where part of it is a healthy response to unknown variables. The other part of that is just avoidance.

I’m so over drama. I don’t miss it.

I have so much to be thankful for.

I didn’t look up at that moment, to those eyes, for no reason. But, why?

I hate how I felt this weekend. I tried something new but I felt horrible about it. I felt so….inadequate. And it had nothing to do with the people I was with. It was all me. It was all about how I felt so out of my element. So…undesirable.

Like I told Feisty the other day, I’m working on every aspect of myself. And, I’m still not feeling…the way I should. Whatever “should” is. She says I just want a gf. I’m not sure that’s it though. I refuse to waste energy on investing in someone else for ill gains. If they can’t see my value then they don’t deserve it. Maybe that’s it though? Maybe I’m afraid I’m not going to attract the person who will see it?

I don’t know.

All I can do is keep moving forward. Keep focusing on my goals and increasing my awesome factor. You either get or you don’t. He’ll make sure I have what I’m s’posed to.

 

love&light