Sentiment sitting on laden tongues
Like a stretched marked stomach
A history of unspoken
I say run
run off each ache
every false start
Love each mark
Love every sentiment
as a happy memory
of what bravery looks like
of what commitment looks like
of the war that is sticking with
the one who touches you
with every unspoken word
and the best of intent
like the satiating calm
of warm pie
then run off the stain
of what never quite became
everything that is you right now
“Writing is really a way of thinking—not just feeling but thinking about things that are disparate, unresolved, mysterious, problematic or just sweet.” —Toni Morrison
I believe that everything happens for a reason. So when something happens that makes no sense… I’m confused. I write about what I feel, what I see, what I hear from others, what I observe. I write about everything. However, not everything I write is specific to my life or experiences unless otherwise noted.
I’m all over the place today.
I hate feeling censored.
I like to believe that you can talk to anyone. You can reason with anyone. You can appeal to anyone. But, it seems that is just not the case.
I am feeling lately like the best course of action is to just keep everything to myself. I see where part of it is a healthy response to unknown variables. The other part of that is just avoidance.
I’m so over drama. I don’t miss it.
I have so much to be thankful for.
I didn’t look up at that moment, to those eyes, for no reason. But, why?
I hate how I felt this weekend. I tried something new but I felt horrible about it. I felt so….inadequate. And it had nothing to do with the people I was with. It was all me. It was all about how I felt so out of my element. So…undesirable.
Like I told Feisty the other day, I’m working on every aspect of myself. And, I’m still not feeling…the way I should. Whatever “should” is. She says I just want a gf. I’m not sure that’s it though. I refuse to waste energy on investing in someone else for ill gains. If they can’t see my value then they don’t deserve it. Maybe that’s it though? Maybe I’m afraid I’m not going to attract the person who will see it?
I don’t know.
All I can do is keep moving forward. Keep focusing on my goals and increasing my awesome factor. You either get or you don’t. He’ll make sure I have what I’m s’posed to.