I’m 35.

I love the saying the more things change, the more they stay the same. Why do I love it? Because it effing applies.

I’m sarcastic. It’s not a thought. It’s not an aim. It’s not a shtick. I’m positive it was a defense mechanism when I was 12. When I was the fat kid in junior high and needed laughs for validation.

I’m 35.

I’m aware that you can’t validate me. I’ve self-assessed by this stage in my life and I choose to hold on to my sarcastic nature. Why? Cause I like it. Like anything in practice for over 20 years, it comes naturally. I don’t think about it. I’m not trying to be sarcastic, I just am. If that bothers you, you have every right to disassociate. I will understand. I recognize that I consequence of holding on to my sarcastic self is that I will turn some people off. I’m ok with that. Your loss, I promise.

I felt that it was time for a reminder. Seems this gets away from people at times. If I love you, I will consider curtailing my sarcasm. I will be more conscious of my nature and hold back, be aware, be mindful of what I’m about to say to avoid offending you – a person whom I love. Liking you is not enough. Liking you is an audition for the grand stage. Liking has a required hazing period to see what you’re made of. Liking you is a job interview where we are feeling each other out to see if this association is a good fit.

Understand, I assume once we graduate to a relationship (of any kind: romantic, friendship, etc…) that you have accepted all the terms and conditions of who I am. As I have, you. However, I understand some shit just don’t work. And in that case, do you boo. By all means. Otherwise, shut that ass up and trust me. Trust my respect for you and know that if I happen to cross a line, it was because I didn’t recognize the line was there. Not, because I’m that asshole. Make no mistake I am an asshole, but I’m the adorable kind. The kind you can’t quite figure out why you love. I’m not the kind that needs to make others feel small so they can feel big. I don’t hate anyone that much, especially myself.

So, a small reminder that sarcasm is a good thing. It’s why you find me charming and witty. It’s why I make you furious and giggly all at the same time. But, it is not ever a tool to degrade, dehumanize or debase anyone. It’s fodder for bonding, expression, and informing. It is also natural. Do you have to remind yourself to step off an elevator?

 

love&light

 

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