Feeling extremely hostile outside. Outside of myself. Self-examination leads to this internal turmoil that plagues me. A battle going inside that questions my audacity to take my future into my own hands. A will that feels strained and just wants to retire.
I am physically drained.
I don’t know if any of this has a point other than to get it out of my head. Why am I inviting people into my rampant dreams? The anxiety over letting them down before I even let them in, consumes me.
I stashed a mp3 of myself spitting inspiration on repeat in the cortex sitting to the left of common sense.
I could cry right now. Not to give up but to get back on track. To remind myself that anything worth having is worth working for. I’m not afraid of rejection. Not the professional kind. No one can do me better than I can. No one can create the will to succeed in me better than me. It’s in bred. It’s what I was born to do. Rejection doesn’t exist in my world. My solace rests in my will to grow. Grow beyond this fight, this inner turmoil growing like loins, pulsing to explode.
No one will have the chance to say I quit. The ideas may never materialize the forethought results but at least I attempted. At lease I did something with the thought and the time and the talent.
The risk is my sacrifice. The completion is my sucess.