I wrote this 7 years ago.

2003-01-13 11:14:11

Happy Birthday to me

24. I have been on vacation officially for a week now and I have another whole week to go. I heard from 4 people yesterday. 2 of which were my Mom and my Sister, 1 was a co worker I was not surprised to hear from since he had added me as a contact the day before and the other was of course D. Thats it. I received a call from 1 other person but they left no message sent no email and when I tried calling back there was no answer. I called 3 times. Not sure what that was about. Am I sad? Should I be? With hopes of notoverdramatizing I will say really it was just another day. Would I have loved to have done something? Yes. Did I do anything? No. I sat at home the entire day, not that that was what I wanted to do, that was the only thing available to do.

If you know me today without the back story you may be fooled into thinking I don’t know the darker side of human emotion. At the time when I wrote the entry above, I was so depressed that I knew if I made it to my 25th birthday, I wouldn’t make it long pass it.

7 years later I have a testimony. 7 years later I only hold up in the house when I want to, not because I believe there is no other option. 7 years later sure I have more calls and more e-mails but whats important is that I have me. I spent those days sulking over what I didn’t have instead of appreciating what I did. I spent too much time focused on what I lacked rather than focusing on what was in my power and making life happen.

I have still have some growing to do. I’m human. Because I’m human, I still have bad days. But I don’t let those days negate all the support and love that surrounds me.

I sat in a room full of bright, young, talented, intelligent individuals as we motivated and well-wished one another. While I’m locked in my room working on my books, poetry, magazines, or businesses, its not a void of dread that I feel. Its not a relentless seed of doom or failure. I feel empowered. Instead of lamenting what isn’t in my position, I remind myself that all I have to do is work harder to get what I want.

Bad days exist. My power rests in what I choose to do with those days. My 25th birthday has long since passed. I don’t sit and wait on people to call or days to die. Now, I awake to days that offer the privilege of life and a phone that makes outgoing calls just as easily as it accepts incoming.

Happy festival of birth, indeed.

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