Often we lie because we do not want to deal with the consequences of the truth. Truth leaves traces of life etched on our skin. It’s unavoidable. The effects of lying, denying the truth its birth, is a condition that likened to an abortion. What was there is no longer and what is left is a shell we attempt to deny.
I suck at relationships. Always have. I try my best to be the best mate I can but in the end, the words always win. As my partner requires more and more time, the words require more and more of me. I have been told this is only an excuse and to someone unmotivated by the creative spirits, it would be. But this gift is a marriage and it takes the part of me that most people long to give to someone else.
I know the outcome to the story. Its not new. I’ll create these friendships with side order memories of love lost. I will accomplish my goals and have everything my heart can’t buy. But, in the days when the creativity finally begins to fade and the only thing to lend solace will be the gentle hands of a lover, I will be alone.
It is that thought that drives me to try. It is the very action I partake to release these thoughts that drive me away. SO I keep pushing. Adding to my plate leftover parts from undying love.
She has a part of me that I don’t want back. She has my truth; my love. And I can only pray when the creativity abandons me for a younger, bolder expression, long after she’s moved on and forgotten my name, I will be more than an empty shell remembering the lies I never told.