meI keep looking behind me for the blue light. I have allowed myself to be pushed further than I care to admit I have gone. The pain I feel is pride being denied. I knew long ago my heart would hurt, I invested it knowing full well the risks. I’m confused about many things, why so devoted to getting me back only to hurt me? But questions such as these have no place now.

still no blue light.

I keep looking behind me for answers that I know I will never receive. The fire in my chest is romance evaporating. My hands are slippery from letting go. My fingers tingle trying to feel anything but dejected.

This is my honesty. This is my green light pause, waiting on the message. Waiting for something or someone to show me what I’ve been looking for; to give me perspective on my insides.

It’s a cold cold place where I find myself. Alone.30 days. The time it takes to go from a future planned to a future deferred.

Still no blue light.

Still no way to know just what I did wrong. What I could have done differently. Not that there was anything. I have control issues you see. And these issues dictate that heartbreak must have a reason, a purpose, an agenda. And when it doesn’t…

You find yourself looking behind you for a blue light, you know will never come.

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