Reconsider

I’m not what you want

Space age mind sex

With hands tied

Sealed lips

And Jose Cuervo empty on the counter

Its not what you want

Figments of imagination

Selfish encounters

Of the possessive kind

Educated guesses at soft spots

Fingertips dipped in past relationships

No remorse

For the misunderstanding

Moaning my name

I am not

What you want

Text messages careening conscious

Thoughts

Souls cumming 160 characters at a time

Intentions disguised as Nikki Giovanni

Read: poetry

With no punctuation

No stopping

Only exclamation

But no point

I promise its not what you want

Lay back

Let me convince you to hate me

Right before you hate me

And make me

Give you reason to hate

That you love

Hating letting me go

I know

Its confusing

The attraction

This pull

Not what you want

But what you need

Like a fix

Transfixed

On life indeed

And I’ll talk you thru it

I’ll hold you in warmth

Fill you in places

Martin begged to set free

Mind frame

Captive

Bondage is a state of

And I love

Untying hands to an

Undying end

Infinitely locked

Your warning came

In morning just before

You opened the door

After my knock

So embrace your decision to invite me in

To make me right

To solidify your seclusion

To reinforce my ego

By becoming a foregone conclusion

The course of course

Is moving towards a future

Of shadows

Since you can never be my shade

Cup of yellow lemonade

And time will remind you

You had the option

To divorce my point

Unfortunate

All that remains

Is a memory

Words echoing like heckling taunts

You can’t have me

Because I am not what you want

Sick Reasoning

I have started this post about 4 times. I think I have somehting to say but I’m not exqactly sure what it is. So I will let silence be my safeguard.

For now.

Remedial Fast Food

I can not be the only one who has seen this. Stopped at Mickey D’s today to do a value burger since I’m balling on a budget. I get a drink because its a dollar and I hate paying for water from restaurants. I roll to the window to exchange the goods and what do I see?

Drinks make themselves now a days. I watch this mechanical arm pull a cup down, drop it on a conveyor belt which took the cup to lemon limeny liquid I requested. One the cup was filled, the belt moved it to the waiting hand of the rememdial young man serving me. And I’m not saying that all fast food workers are remedial because a lot of people have made very nice living from the fast food industry. However, this particular young man was.

The more I see machines replacing human function I must ask myself, is it really to make the business run smoother or more economic. Because when it boils down to it, the less you do, the less you think and the less you move, the less I need you and the less I can pay you for what I do need you for.

Who knew McChicken would be man’s down fall?

Poetic Affliction

I stuck the syringe knee deep in Merriam Webster

Pulled the stem

Flicked the tip

And injected myself with dope

My veins were dry

So my brain took the strain

My eyes fluttered

As the words travelled

My mouth uttered

I need this knowledge

So let the idea spread inside

As I figure the best way

To sweat it out

I’m high on possibilities

It’s killing me

What thinking can do

And I sit in a dark room

Consumed

With the light

I might open my eyes one day

But tonight

I will ignore your intervention

Pride has no place in poetry

So you and ego

Can’t save me

I’m wasted on metaphors

Vulnerability sees me clearly

Humility brought me to my knees

All that’s left is to come down

Off this definition

But right now

I’ll write how

The voices in my head guide me

The irony

It seems

Is flowing through my blood stream

Using my fingertips

As a likely escape

I’m addicted to pure uncut

Thought process

And I’m prepared to OD

At any day

Last Call

I’m giving you the chance to admit what you don’t think I know. I wish you could read my mind maybe then you would understand the damaging affects of silence. Stop making excuses for not having excuses. I love you isn’t a bandaid. Love never fades, trust does. Commitment feeds on the nutrients of trust, without which relationships subside.

Most people value their time but I value my thought process. I gave you mind hours that poetry had been begging for. I don’t believe in regret. I believe in honesty and its absence is written all over your face.

Password requests make sense on email accounts but not on the truth. I told you from the beginning that I don’t know how to be anything else but me. We both have pasts that call us in the middle of the night whispering remember when. We both have shadows of remember when we desperately hope to forget. We both have residue on our hands from those we have long since washed away. But,  our collective focus should be on our future together. Focal points cascade when there’s still an obligation to remind the past how much we love it.

People not meant to see your happiness recognize its face due to the knowledge of its origin. Questions on why you’d want to hid get asked and I have no answers. But feel foolish for having shared. Resentment too close for comfort, degrading the pride that I know to be a sin.

Venting is good for the soul. Exhale confusion to inhale calm. I attempt to be patient, I attempt to await the words that should ease the apprehension. 29 knocked me down today and as well wishes poured forth my mind was wrought with thoughts of you. I’m trying desperately to keep it that way.