Use Me

You only love me
When I’m deep
When I give you metaphors the world revolves around
You love the idea of my outlook
But I am quirky
And some days Metroid Prime
Is better than any existentialist mid-philosophic
Statement
I could conjure
But you don’t love me those days
Those days you are disgusted by how simple
I really am
Nothing looks sexier to you
Than my soapbox
Sitting high above average
and concious
It moves you
Soaks you in unfamiliar thoughts
Which is why you hate days like today
Today is a simple day
When deep is too far away
And you
You keep your distance
Because you know deep
Will find its way to me
The lonelier I become

Earlier Tonight

I was told that I don’t get close enough to anything that I can’t walk away from in 30 seconds.

Am I pissed that they think that or pissed that they’re right?

Memory Lapse

I’m a different person when the lights go down
The same in a sense
But you wouldn’t recognize me
eyes wide shut
mumbling something devious
remember that you kept talking low
as I forced higher octaves
brought boxers to the floor
and saw feet walk back and forth pondering thought
should I
give myself
And you made a decision you may regret
but made a decision none the less
Don’t blame the alcohol
blame desire
now sit down and think about
how you love
to be a victim
and blame it on the bud light
Blame anything but the last thought
you had
I know the situation is a sketchy one
I know its some new shit going on
its another side you’re not ready to see
but one you love to ask to leave
because I won’t remember anything in the morning
and you can place the blame anywhere but on desire
one day I’ll do what you can’t
and fake it
You’ll swear it was the liquor
I’ll swear it was the vibe
and just when you can’t remember your name
I’ll remind you
to be a fucking adult for once
Come
tell me how you feel
I’ll listen
As I give you
What redbull can’t
And just when you thought it was another alcohol haze
I’ll hold you accountable
with sober memories of a sex induced craze

Stupidity Abound

Every now and then I feel the need to remind the skinny people of the world that every big person is not desperate. Get over yourselves. I have thick enough skin that ridicule doesn’t get to me, I just kinda look at them like a little lost puppy. Awwweee, cute. Someone is just a little insecure poo poo, yes he is, yes he is.

There is something about being overweight that people assume you’re depressed, lonely and gullible. I had a guy actually ask me to take me out to get a hamburger. A hamburger??? When I looked at him like the idiot he was, he said “What I know you like to eat. You should be happy.” Its moments like that I wish I believed in violence. I would tell you how I replied but my lawyer has advised against it.

I’m just fat. And the heavier you are the more it takes a way from your looks. So I know I’m not ugly, besides I can always lose weight. You on the other hand, you giant waste of skin and flesh, will be unjustifiably stupid forever. Forever ever? Forever ever.

It’s okay that I’m not the first person who would get picked at the club. I prefer it that way believe or not (besides the fact I don’t do clubs). That means that the person who is attracted to me is the kind of person who actually gets to know someone. So just by being me, I get to cut through the bullshit. Awesome.

It’s official, I’m lame.

I had the talk today. Why did we break up? Do I love you? Oh and it didn’t help that I met one of my myspace friends today while we were eating. The myspace friend seems cool as hell and knows one of my high school friends who was our waitress. The problem was the ex hates myspace…specifically me being on myspace and them not knowing what I’m doing. You would think having broken up it wouldn’t matter anymore but alas, it does. Damn this sensitive and caring nature o’mine.

My ex was giving me the pouty face. The myspace friend was actually trying to work and I didn’t want to hold them up like some stalker. Talk about awkward moment. And you know how I am about meeting new people anyway. I never know what the hell I’m supposed to say. “Hey, I’m Dew.” “I knew I recognized you.” “I recognized you too.” “You know Nedra?” and thats about it. After that its pretty much a dumb stare unless they start talking.

So the talk? I was as honest as I could be. Now How it ended was a lot better than how it started but I can not say that that is a good thing. We’ll see. The main thing I got from the talk is that they would like me to stop telling them that they deserve better and let them determine what’s best for them. What do you say to that? You are too blind to see that I’m not what’s best for you.

I’m punking out, I know