My mind has been going so many places lately. Why is it so hard to be a good person? Why is it that everything that you shouldn’t do is so easy to do yet the consequences can be so damaging? Think about relationships, jobs, even eating. The examples are everywhere.

I don’t like the responsibility that comes from having someone’s emotions in my hands. I am too irresponsible and selfish to effectively handle it.

No matter what my mouth says my eyes tell the truth.

Dear you,

I’m flawed. I can be insensitive and selfish and I don’t try as hard to change that as I could. I watched you today. Doing everything but telling me to leave. Yesterday still sitting in the back of you mind. You forgave me. I’m grateful. But I know it won’t be the last time. I loved hard once. I think I’m making all of you pay for the rejection I suffered. I try to be honest. I don’t want you to ever think I lied. I know you want me to let you in but it’s so much easier to keep you guessing. It’s what I’m used too. You should have been satisfied with my friendship. Then you would have most of me. But loving me is a chore. And you’re already working overtime. I appreciate the effort. I don’t deserve it. Save yourself the time and clock out.

You’ll never be them especially now that I have let them go. My eyes know the truth, so does your heart. Save me under the file for good conversation. But take your love and give it to someone who can love you back.

Always,
A.

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