As adult as it gets

Just so you know I will be in asshole mode for the next few days so bear with me.

First of all, I’m stupid. My impulse is to strike back but no blow I could throw would matter so I can only let it go. My idea of friendship is tasking, mainly on me since I always end up being the one hurt. Fine. I haven’t changed by now, good luck with that happening eh?

Secondly, I’m not a victim. But I do place myself in situations where I give people more power than they deserve. I know how vulnerable it makes yet I continue to do it, especially with this one person.

The problem lies in feeling that I am not even important enough to be considered. This is what it all boils down to. Period. The thought of not being worthy of so much as a phone call (without me having called first) or an invite plays on my own insecurities. I shouldn’t project my resentment on them because I allow them to exploit those insecurities.

I’m not fine. I won’t be fine until the day I get closure and that won’t happen until they are ready to sit down, stop deflecting and answer some straight forward questions. Until that day I can only cope the best way I know how and move on with the help of the people who do consider me.

Now where is my frikking scooby snack…