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Archives | love&light

Friends into Lovers

So last night the question was posed to me, “What is the difference between friendship and a relationship?” 

Am I wrong to say the physical nature of the relationship makes it a romantic relationship right? No matter what flavor you enjoy, you expect certain things from friends and other things from romantic interests. Right? 

For instance, my friends know my life, my ups and down, I expect them to be constant parts of this circle. I expect them to support me when I need that emotional balance and call me out when I’m BSing. The story, past future and present I share across the board with my Friends. But with that person, the one that gets you giddy when they send you a text message, the one that smile and the little ice cream cone sitting behind your eyes melts, the one that you let call you the nickname you would cringe if anyone knew that person gets all of you. The story and the paper. The pen and the commitment. 

When something happens they are the first person you want to come hold you or console you or celebrate with you. When the naughty thoughts start to peak out above the covers, thats the first call you make. The person that turns lust into love, sex into love-making and bad days into bearable. 

I could be wrong. I mean everyone has there on definition and idea of what they are looking for. This is mine. What’s yours?


A few months ago a friend, who I have known since I was 5, up and disappeared. I don’t mean someone I knew of, someone I saw around, I mean someone whose parents considered me a second child. I mean someone who when I was homeless gave me a place to stay. I mean a Friend, with the capital F. As we got older we didn’t talk as much. She really only called when she needed a hiding place from all the drama in her life but I always knew where she was and how she was doing. 

Sometime around August or September I noticed it had been longer than the customary 2 month period since I heard from her. So naturally I called her. Number disconnected. So I went to her house. Looked like no one lived there. But she never stayed home long so that wasn’t really a shocker. And her phone bill got paid when she felt like it, so it being disconnected was no big deal either. 

What was a surprise was one of her friends who she communicates with on a regular basis tracked me down and asked if I had heard from her. That’s when I got nervous. At this point, I’m like what can I do? Well after some very fine investigating we find out she skyyed up with some young chap in Greenville, changed her numbers and basically cut herself off from us. 

I should mention she lost both of her parents within 2 years of each other and was an only child. She projected her need for love onto men she would meet online and I guess she found one that said exactly what she needed to hear. 

Friday, I was paying a bill when the clerk asked me if we had a mutual friend. I’m like who? She said her name and I just smiled. My bad smile not my good one, if you know me you know the one. I asked if she had talked to her, ready to pull information out of the stranger but she said she hadn’t. She told me the last she heard was that our friend had left the guy in Greenville to be with some guy in Chicago.

I wish her no ill-will. Oh, I was angry at first at why she would do this. I’m still a little angry but more than anything I am concerned. No matter what state she’s in or what man she’s with she’ll never find what she’s looking for until she finds herself.  

Nicole, I hope you’re safe. And, if or when you decide to come home, you have friends waiting.