Have you ever felt like there is something someone needs to say to you? What keeps us from saying what it is we want to say to others? Speaking for myself it is most often always fear. But, what are we afraid of? All someone can do is reply. But it is the reply that leads to consequence and consequences are sometimes hard to bear. So our fear si inspired by an unwanted outcome. So time becomes our ally. If I wait long enough you might give me the answer without the question. But how much time will you have wasted waiting on answer that if:
a) is what you wanted you could have been enjoying a positive outcome all this time.
b) is not what you wanted then you have simply prolonged dealing with the negative consequence thereby causing more time convincing yourself risks are worth taking.
A good friend once told me that risks were necessary. And, you’ll never understand unless you take them.
Sitting at the dinner table with my mom and my sister talking about relationships, love, marriage and children. They question my resolve to not wanting children or marriage in my lifetime. They tell me how I can’t say that because I have never loved anyone yet, so when I meet that person that I will love then i will chnge my feelings.
I met that person April, 2001. And I have loved them every single day since. And we have never been together. So the next question why are you in a relationship then? I really can’t answer that. I have explained to Rabbit that I am not interested in having children or getting married. Sometimes people love you enough to believe they can change you. I don’t change. I progress and evolve but the resolve stays solid. I’m stubborn like that.
I don’t feel like I am depriving myself either. I embrace the love that is shown to me. But the only thing I will invest myself completely in is poetry. I’m not sad about it nor should anyone else be. I have a great family and awesome friends. I even have a great love. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life and I am loving every day. Not having the conventional picture society deems as happiness does not negate the fact that I am happy.
Sex on an empty stomach leaves you hungering for more.
Sex on an empty heart leaves you starving.
So now that this holiday thing is coming to a close (New Year’s is not a real holiday just an excuse to party), I can finally concentrate. I have a skills exam to take for my networking class that I have avoided, plus 6 more chapter tests. It really depresses me to think about it.
I really want to be done with Melodramatic by my birthday but I know that’s not going to happen either. Although, I do have quite a bit of material to work through and put together so I’m excited about that.
The question I get asked most is whether my poetry is about my life and in a way it is. Its not all things or emotions I ahve experienced but myself, the people around me, or thoughts and ideas inspired by real life. Ironically, the stuff that most seems made up is the realest. I love that about life.
What I dislike most is that all of my words tend to have an air of seriousness or melancholy. I wish I could be the upbeat poet but I’m not. I write what I feel or what moves me and that comes across in my poetry.
There has been one person I would say that has inspired me more than anyone else I have ever encountered and that is definitely a good thing. I’m glad I know them, I’m glad they can still inspire me and move me. I often wonder if they know or care?
In the new book I try something a little different. I take very different perspectives and approach old situations. So far, it has been excitig and has created a new sensation when completing new pieces. I am curious to see how it will be received.
At any rate, I am excited to see what 2007 has to offer. New friends, old friends, new emotion, new emotion with old friends, the possibilities are endless wouldn’t you say?