Sam’s New Survey

October 24, 2004
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I stood in line with 4 items: ritz, peanut butter, batteries and ravioli. Brittany came out from behind her register to beckon me over to her empty line. I guess it’s strange that I remember her name but after her question I made it a point to look at her name tag. 

She greeted me politely, “Hi. How are you?” 
My mind was elsewhere so as it caught up with the present I replied. “Just fine and you.” This was all the interaction we had had but it was something within those moments that made Brittany feel comfortable enough to ask. 

“I attend the (Religious School) and we are doing a survey. Do you mind if I ask you a question?” 

Seeming as though I’m always up for a new point of ponder, I accepted. 

“What are three ways the church can help you?” Whoa, I wasn’t expecting that but all the same it was a wonderful question. 

“Do you mean the church as a whole or religion in general?” I could see in her eyes that she wasn’t sure how to answer. She answered anyway, “Religion in general.” 

My answer, “Take judgment out of belief.” Good answer she said as she blinked twice and stepped back. It was the purest of responses, I guess no one else had given that answer which somewhat saddened me. It was then that I noticed her name tag and it was then she handed me my change, reading my name off the card, “You have a nice day, Ms. Dew.” 
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It is to-date my most philosophic experience at Sam’s Club.

Shadow Boxing

You picked me up
broken wings in hand
and blew life into my lungs
washed me 
with care to thin skin
embraced the heart
seeming irreparable 
revived the beat
and loved me
you held me to the sky
proud to love anything with all your heart
and I bound only to nature
nudged a thankful beak gently against your face
spread my wings and flew away

Seriously?

So what exactly do you do when someone tells you if you leave them they’ll kill you?

Bueller? Anyone?

Sad Souls

Today is one of those days I feel sick to my stomach. I hate making decisions that affect the happiness of others. Right now I need to hurt someone or forfeit my own happiness. Decisions like these aren’t thrilling. I entered into this relationship knowing I was incapable of giving all of my heart so why did I enter into it at all?

Because I’m selfish. I wanted to get over someone else and eliminate these deperate feelings of loneliness and now, I have all the attention and time I want from the person I do not want it from. And, I’m really scared to leave because it means being lonely all over again.

At least you’ll get some great poetry out of it.

Risks

Have you ever felt like there is something someone needs to say to you? What keeps us from saying what it is we want to say to others? Speaking for myself it is most often always fear. But, what are we afraid of? All someone can do is reply. But it is the reply that leads to consequence and consequences are sometimes hard to bear. So our fear si inspired by an unwanted outcome. So time becomes our ally. If I wait long enough you might give me the answer without the question. But how much time will you have wasted waiting on answer that if:

a) is what you wanted you could have been enjoying a positive outcome all this time.

-OR-

b) is not what you wanted then you have simply prolonged dealing with the negative consequence thereby causing more time convincing yourself risks are worth taking.

A good friend once told me that risks were necessary. And, you’ll never understand unless you take them.