Innocence

In response to innocence I agree wholeheartedly. The question is what has happened to trust? Answer it has depreciated into TOLERANCE. Out of all the people you know you may only trust 2 of them and tolerate the rest of them. Why? Convenience. This person has cool conversion but you know they shady, that person is cute but stupid, this person is cool but ugly, so as people you do not want to invest the time to expand the knowing of this or that person so that you can learn to trust them. It’s so much easier to use you for what you are worth to me and not invest the time it takes to get to know you. Cuz in turn that means you begin to know me and dare I have too many people who know me, because then I become vulnerable.

What if I MISTRUST you? That means you can turn against me and in doing so you have a secret weapon- my own little dirty secrets. And I can’t have that. There’s no way you can know about my personal skeletons. Then you know I’m not as GOOD as I want you to think I am (or perceive I am). Then you begin to see me for the dirty birdy I’ve tried so hard and so long to keep you from seeing. But what I don’t realize is that I’m so fouled up on my own insecurities that I don’t realize you have secrets just like me. You have problems and skeletons of your own, so why am I so shaken?
Because you no longer PERCIEVE me in the way of innocence. I can’t pretend I don’t know about or I haven’t heard or I didn’t see, I can’t pretend I haven’t done or haven’t used any and everything I can no longer LIE for the sake of innocence. Why though? If you must lie about it, why do it? Cause it feels good. Cause I enjoy doing it. Then why lie about it? Because society tells me I’m dirty for doing it. Not just sex, but the cursing the gambling, the drinking, the promiscuity, all of it thrills me, yet I know if you find out I’m no longer an exception, I’m no longer special because I don’t; I’m no longer popular for being different. And dare I not be popular.
The one thing most people fear more than death is the fear of being alone. Therefore I will tolerate Shady Susie and Lying Lewis so I won’t be alone. I’ll lie about myself to form an image of someone you will accept into your realm of lies (think about it). I’ll lower my own standards to be higher in your regards, because dare I be alone, dare I stand on my own 2 feet, dare I educate myself, dare I tell the truth and you accept me for who I am. DARE I BE AN INDIVIDUAL.

We’re a selfish generation we want to be loved but not give as much love, we want to work but not that much, we want to be felt and not feel, be helped but not help. Aristotle said it best “In friendship loving is far more greater than being loved”. You can not trust anyone else until you trust yourself, you can not love until you love yourself, and indulgence in some cases is a wonderful thing but if you have to lie about your indulging you may want to consider abstaining. If you know you’ll regret it why do it?

Dew

Share This